NO EXTRA ELOQUENCE BUT SOME ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS…BOTH RANDOM AND OTHERWISE

I appreciate Erin’s compliment, but I don’t have anything more eloquent to add to what she wrote yesterday.  I’m mostly just frustrated that the surgery has been delayed after we had put so much energy into getting mentally prepared for the operation.  I completely understand why they are delaying the surgery and I think it makes good sense, however, it is very tough to get yourself geared up for something like this only to learn it isn’t going to happen less than 24 hours beforehand.  Strangely, as fate would have it, Piper was actually sick today and had to come home from daycare shortly after arriving this morning.  There is a good chance they would not have gone forward with the surgery today based on that fact alone.  The new date for the surgery has been confirmed for October 10th.

I get the feeling that Erin was nervous about telling me that the surgery was being delayed yesterday because she thought I’d be overly upset.  I will admit that my reactions to various developments throughout this process have been all over the map so I understand her concern, however, when the doctors tell you that moving forward with a surgery at this time would increase her risk for a number of different reasons, it’s pretty hard to be “upset.”  Primarily, I want to make sure that she can get my kidney and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.  Our family has been given a great gift in that I am a compatible kidney match for Piper and we will do everything we can to protect that gift.  If that means delaying surgery, then that’s what we’ll do.

Of course, now we have to sit around and wait several more weeks for these faulty and potentially dangerous kidneys to come out.  That increases the risk of the development of Wilms tumors and it also continues to impact her blood pressure, which has been dangerously high.  The doctors say that the risk of moving forward with the operation now is more risky than the probability that the Wilms tumors will develop, so we have to take them at their word, but that doesn’t really make us feel better about anything.  We want those kidneys OUT and we want them out as soon as possible!  The sooner that happens, the sooner she gets a new kidney and the sooner she begins her road to full recovery.

Anyway, the balancing of emotion and strength remains a challenge.  I do try hard to stay strong for my children and wife (who is easily the strongest person in our family), but it’s difficult and certain things trigger waves of raw emotion.  Last night I received a package from my Mom’s long-time friend, Dot Craddock, and the hand stitched stuffed animals representing our family along with the three page handwritten note turned the waterworks into the “full on” position.  I am overwhelmed that people such as Mrs. Craddock care so much about me and my family and at the same time, I am saddened by the underlying circumstances which have triggered this outpouring of love and support.

In all honesty, this process has made me think a lot about the role of husbands and fathers in today’s society.  It wasn’t long ago that men went out and made the money and women took care of the children and the home.  That still exists today, but to a far lesser degree, and in a lot of cases, men and women share all of those responsibilities equally.  In our family, for example, Erin works just as hard at her job as I do at mine and we share the responsibilities that come with owning a home and having children.  As a result, I have just as close of a relationship with our children as Erin does.  I am more emotionally and physically connected with my kids than fathers of past generations were.  That means that my reactions to issues faced by my children are probably a lot different than the reactions of those of my forefathers.   That doesn’t mean that men of past generations didn’t love their children just as much as I love mine, but it does mean that my relationships and bonds with my young daughters is likely much different today than it would have been 40 years ago.

I guess in other words, what I’m saying is that there is much less wood chopping, beard growing and hunting and much more diaper changing, Disney watching and princess dress up.  Hell, I even shaved on a Saturday last weekend because Sophia told me my whiskers hurt when I kissed her!  That was right before I helped her into a Princess Elsa dress and we watched an hour of Bubble Guppies!

I’m not sure which generation of men is more “manly”, but I’m pretty sure the definition of “manliness” has changed.  Therefore, I will continue to proclaim that, despite my penchant for crying and dotting the “i” in Sophia’s name with a heart on her lunch bags, I am a manly man.  Maybe I’ll drink some whiskey tonight (while watching Sofia the First) just to prove it.

Like I’ve said before, sometimes you just have to deal with the random thoughts which float around my head.

On a different note, I’m very sad for my friends at EEC over the loss of their teacher, Kim Bringle, who succumbed to cancer on Friday.  Sophia spent a wonderful year in Miss Bringle’s room and she will be greatly missed.  I’m sad that Piper and Harper will never get to enjoy Kim’s influence and our thoughts and prayers are with her family and with all of her friends at EEC.

As always, thank you to everyone for all of your support.  You’ll never know how much it means to us.

Love – Chris and Erin

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